Last month I shared what I learned about Genuine Healing and what it really means. This month I’m sharing what I discovered in regards to my resistance to it. Could you be resistant to healing also?
The Party of My Parts
In an effort to welcome in Genuine Healing, I am learning to befriend all the parts of myself. The parts I already know, the parts I trust, as well as the parts I tend to avoid, push-down, neglect, have abandoned or are down-right afraid of. And like any high school party that gets out of control, more and more parts just keep showing up...
Despite my intense desire to heal and move forwards,
I've learned to my surprise, that there are parts of myself resistant to it.
I’ve been on this healing journey for just about three years. A long time to some, a fraction of time to others. I’ve been grieving the loss of the person I once identified myself to be, and just now beginning to understand that there is a new person here I need to get to know better if I intend to truly heal.
I thought I had come to terms with where I was on my journey, until I met parts of me resistant to moving forwards. Just as I began to make progress, a part of me digs it’s heels in and stops me with an increase in symptoms physically, mentally and/or emotionally. Which feels like someone is putting their hands on my shoulders and strongly pulling back, just to stop me from walking through the golden doorway I long to walk through. Know what I mean?
I used to get angry, frustrated, depressed when that happened. And any progress I'd been making in my personal Self-C.A.R.E practice would slip to the wayside as I began numbing myself with whatever I could find. So instead of repeating that self-destructive pattern, I decided to get to know the parts of me preventing me from moving forwards. And believe me, this was not something I took lightly. I was quite anxious about it, if I'm being honest. But I didn't need to be.
Do you know what I learned?
Each part that I thought was stopping my progress, actually had a specific role to protect me. Each part has a job to keep me safe. They each let me know that they are not here to prevent me from moving forwards, but instead, from moving forwards to quickly. One part even told me that its job is to prevent me from skipping over important genuine healing steps, so that all the other parts that need love, attention and healing can be addressed. That way I could walk through that golden doorway from a more whole and complete place. And later be of greater help to others.
That bit of info knocked me on my seat.
I had no idea those parts of me actually were there for me, instead of against me. I now appreciate the job these parts are doing for me, and realize they do this job from a place of love, protection and compassion- sometimes a bit forcefully, like when I have seizures, anxiety attacks or migraines, but truly from a place of love. As I asked more questions, I learned that there is another part that truly loves and respects me as well. That by slowing me down it's teaching me to get to know who I am now, and what my unique needs are. This way I can honor my unique needs and welcome in genuine healing on a deeper level than ever before. Wow! This part of me isn’t the enemy after all- it’s a really good friend. And as with any really good friendship, they'll give you the bad news, they'll make the tough decision to be honest with you, and they'll be there by your side even in your ugliest moments- because in the end, their intentions and actions only come from a place of unconditional love.
Befriending My Parts
I’m still getting to know all the parts here at this emotional “kegger”. And I know it's not going to happen over night. It will take time, patience, consistent communication and TLC. If I am going to heal all areas of myself that have been wounded, my intention needs to be to befriend all those parts with an open-mind and trust the process, instead of analyze, criticize or judge.
In the meantime, right now, I’m beginning to cultivate a healthy relationship with one of the parts I thought was stopping my progress. I'm checking in to find out where I notice this part in or around my body. I'm asking questions such as How do you help me and What is your positive intent for me?
I'm learning that despite what my ego-mind is telling me -such as the way things “should” be by now, comparing who I am now to who I was before the injury, or telling me that I'm broken and irreparable- this part is here because it loves me. It wants to protect me and is here to help me experience wholeness again.
Have you ever connected with any of your own parts? Who are they and what job do they serve for you?
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Information contained within this site does not take the place of professional medical care. It is for educational purposes only and created with the intention of offering support and empowerment to women struggling to find wholistic and natural answers to their challenges. Every individual is responsible for their own actions, choices and behavior.